Monday….(Blackberry Shy™)

Day 1 of xxx without a blackberry.....y’all seen Popeye?......know how he can’t do shit without spinach and Viagra (depends on the Popeye u watch)...yup that’s how I feel...it’s like am a crack addict but I aint getting crack...whys that device so addictive...sitting here in my empty office (yep, empty!!!!...I forgot my whole office travelled to the HQ for a meeting..and i stupidly showed up for work...na lizard go send me go photocopy today)...seriously thinking of what I might just be missing on twitter….and that BBF thing….abi na BBM…whatever….some funny tweets from those really disturbed people on my TL or them sadistic tweets from some babe on her period and making it look like say na we cause am….or the crazily funny updates from @SNNHeadlines…or a very precious jeweled (*wink*) twitter fight might just be going down…maybe some *insert school name here* babe might have just slept with someone for a blackberry bold 2 phone carton or a “follow back” on twitter and unfortunately for her she had a small misunderstanding with her bestie(who knows her deepest secrets) and her best friend is exposing her sneaky acts on twitter…people can be wicked like that….

Woke up this morning, reached under my pillow for my blackberry bold…suddenly it hit me…..I have no blackberry….AM BLACKBERRY SHY!!.....I felt like me 2yrs ago…miserable….trying to access the internet using some dead nokia phone …tryna sign into Facebook™ believing that’s the hottest social networking site…I broke down into tears…..I cried in the shower…..I cried all through on my way to work…the aboki (who decided to transport me to my place of work which is about 3000miles from my house for only N50….*smh*)….kept wondering what was up with me ….upon entering my office I came across a tumbleweed….you know….one of those things that roll past in deserts….I looked up only to realize I was the only one in my office….DRATS!!!........the day couldn’t get any worse….the office internet is down…like it’s ever up?….been tryna check some sites for about 2hrs now….yet nothing….Do you know how screwed up ur life can be without a blackberry?....imagine I got that one ping from my colleague at work warning me that there aint gonna be anybody at work today…that would’ve saved me time….imagine if she pinged you telling you she’s pregnant and that she wants to hear your opinion on whether to abort or to kid the child….after she wait finish she no see reply na to conclude that your okay with it, she calls ur parents telling them about the pregnancy your dad calls u and tells u that u must marry her…you guys get married….due to bad/poor parenting skills your kid grows up to become a thief, gets killed by the police on one of his operations…your wife finds out, she’s so shocked she drops dead….all because u dint have a blackberry to read her first message and tell her to abort the baby…..my people SHIT CAN HAPPEN……just don’t walk around BB-less…it’s not advisable…look what it’s doing to me….You might think am just being delusional…..but seriously my eyes and palm itches….my stomachs are hurting…you see I am even meekin grammatihdgycal errorrgfvvsss!!!...i cant type properly using a keyboard….this day shall pass..only I don’t know how much more I have to wait for a new berry….salary’s sometime next week…can I make it??…..TIME WILL TELL…..@LOUIS_THE_XIII SIGNING OUT

NB: Whatever happened to my berry is none of your business….just know that my berry had a lot of trust and emotional issues….we had to split (literally)…..i hope it finds comfort in the arms of some other person…mschewww!!!…God know I tried my best to make the relationship work(literally) I can’t believe it could treat me like this…people take note NEVER TRUST UR BERRY…Its just gonna wake up one day and screw u over….yeah "boldie" (my ex BB) this is a Sub directed at you.....I even wrote a poem for u…Next post

OMG!!!!! ITS 2011 ALREADY........

Its the 19th of Jan......So am guessing i OVERSLEPT......am suspecting its that pounded yam from Christmas day(refer to previous post)....that food can act as anaesthetics for cows....well i hope we all made it into the year 2011...for those of yall that left your virginity in 2010...am guessin its not too late...u could try goin back through time to get it....What Now?....its not possible?....Oh Ok My BAD....Sorry Then.....
      Soooo any new year resolutions Zeem?....I'm thinking....... 3 OR 5 MEGAPIXELS?.....iApologize for the useless Joke.......I ask myself....do people still keep new year resolutions?...cause that shit is just a temporary guide to help you from Jan 1 2011 to Jan 2 2011....to summarize my 2010 in one word "boring, annoying, cashless....i could go on but i just remembered i said "in 1 word"...
Year 2010 was a very pathetic year in terms of Blogging.....i couldnt drop posts last year because i dint understand the concept of bloggin....its MY journal..not yours, not anybodys...i was a little disturbed what if people dont like MY posts....what if am a little obnoxious in any of my posts.....now am like... wat the hell its MY posts NOT yours...NOT NYSCs....NOT NIPOSTSs....... if by accident u stumble on them, read, if u wanna i couldnt careless....with that said, i hope to blog more often this year...only if this offices' server permits...i mean som'n that dloads at the speed of 503BYTES/Sec.....when no be say na Uncle RICK ROSS dey chop sponge cake.....and am pretty sure its the fastest in Minna....MINNA.....a place i like to call YEAR 1985....why?.....because Micheal Jackson is still Alive here......Titanic just hit the CD market...Pep Guardiola still plays for Barcelona.......IBB is still President....& of course the ratio of motorbikes/bicycles to human beings is 5000000000000:50000........it gets worse down here you know.....i mean..... if you dare say hi to any Nyarinya(girl) on the road.....ull be conered by men in ski masks and given the legal option.....long sleeve...Armless or shortsleeve(arm reduction techniques)....Also No alcohol....caaamaaannn??.....i shud have just signed up to be a Catholic Priest.......luckily..am not that kind of person...i no be ashawo/alcoholic....well in the long run its gonna be me and my dignity left in minna....Hoping to God that  my employee wont drop his pen on the floor with the intention that i pick it up...thats the day ill quit my job!.....i heard they play that way down hereaccording to @chykelfarooq_rj(who tells of his encounter with the *powerpuff men*)...........IT IS WELL IJN....I WILL SURVIVE